Fast Food

Today Bones came to visit. The best way to describe our relationship is to say that I do not remember a time in my life when I didn't know her. We're born three months apart and she is my oldest and dearest friend; my god, the memories we share. She came up for us to lime and catch up and for her two daughters to use the pool on by far the worse pool day of the entire trip. The rain was hard and relentless with cracking thunder and faulty flashlight lightening (but I love this rainy season rain more than the sweetest lullaby). Not pool weather. So we decided to go to the mall, and we decided to get something to eat. Rhonda's older daughter went for bbq, the younger got a sub, and I got Helen some lo mein (in Trinidad lo mein is good for toddlers). Bones and I decide to get burgers. We had two options, Burger King and the local joint Beefeaters. For two reasons, I decide we getting Beefeaters: 1. You crazy! You think I come all the way Trinidad to eat Burger King. I don't even eat that nastiness in New York, far less to come and eat it home. And 2. Well Beefeaters is the local joint, right, and everybody in Trindad line up at Burger King so let me patronize the homegrown business. (And 3. The cool gin connection.)

So Bones' rounding up the girls and I place our order, large fries to share and two burgers with cheese. When I ask what kind of cheese, someone starts scrambling to find out and when I realise there's one cheese choice, I say don't worry about it then. I'll eat Beefeater's cheese. And then I wait. After about ten minutes I go over to check on Helen in her pink tutu and ruby shoes. She is covered in noodles, but she's eating and happy. The other girls are tucking in and Bones is nibbling from everybody's plate. Food not ready yet, she asks? Nuh uh, it's not like Burger King, you know, fresh meat. She eats one of her daughter's fries and I wander back to the counter. Ten more minutes pass. I see Toni packing a piece of bbq into her fries box to take and Helen pulling noodles out of her tutu. After five more minutes, a strange man with a weak Trini accent starts asking, 'Where is my food? All I want is a burger and fries. Where is my food, please?' He looks around for support. I ask the woman next to me if she ordered before me. She's number 82 and I'm 80. Quietly, unlike the man, I ask the cashier where's my order. She goes behind and comes back to say 'it comin' now.'

A digression here for the Trini definition of "now" and its close relation "just now". You're doomed when you hear any these words in connection to you and waiting. You might as well have a drink or read something, or take up juggling. "Just now" can mean anything from a few minutes to a few days, depending on the situation at hand. Someone will tell you they coming just now and then go and take a nap or finish plaiting a child's head, or weed a patch of land. And if you complain, well they won't understand why you're so vex - I tell you "just now!". (It's only "now-now" that offers any reassurance that action is nigh.) Grey should write a bit about asking for directions and being told to go 'just so.'

By now the man at the other end of the counter is losing it for real. 'But what is this? I can't understand. Is only a burger and some french fries I order. A burger and fries. Is not like I getting ribs or lamb, is a burger and fries. Come on, please make number 85.' Oh, buddy. He looks around again and I give him a sympathetic face. Number 82 next to me whispers, 'but why he have to get on so? Is not wait everybody waiting.' I look at this foreign person. I have been waiting for 30 minutes for two burgers and some damn fries. Burger King has served one million in the time I've been waiting. Helen is stuffing noodles up her nose and I am hungry. To everyone behind the counter I say, loudly,: 'But this is beyond ridiculous, where's my food? Look at the time on my receipt. I ordered 35 minutes ago. This is fast food. Fast food. Where is my food? I'm hungry. Where is my food, Miss Lady?' The cooks, instead of looking after my order are looking at me from the kitchen. I put both hands up and say, 'What? Where is my food?' Miss Lady asks someone a question and says to me: 'Your burgers are on the grill now.'

Strangling, dying, hungry, I reel over to our table for Bones to give me to go ahead to cancel this joke and go get some Burger King. But Bones is as cool as ever. 'Nah man,' she all but drawwwls, 'we wait so long already, I'm sure it coming now.' I back away from her very slowly, back to the counter. Number 85 comes to stand next to me and wants to know where I'm visiting from and for how long. I tell him five months and he laughs. Turns out he's visiting from Canada for 10 days and says he could NEVER, EVER not in a million years sister, live here. He faces the counter again, 'Nevah! Whe mih food? Ah hungry. Gimme mih burger and mih chips, please.'

My order comes and I put my empty cup on the counter and tell Miss Lady to give me a refill because I drank all my mauby while I waited 39 minutes for a fast burger and fries. She fills it without complaint, and as I'm collecting my tray to go, 85 gets his burger and fries and we part ways.

Love from all of we.